I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
