is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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