your thong is hanging out like whoa
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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