I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
