So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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