we have pet lesbian snakes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
