my soul wont recognize me after tonight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
