She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
