I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
