do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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