i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
