You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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