I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
