I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
