obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
