remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
