i think my tv is drunk
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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