so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
