This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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