So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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