Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
