I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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