How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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