Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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