I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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