i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
