It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
