I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
