I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
