She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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