It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
