Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
