genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
