That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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