You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
