I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
