OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
