you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
