I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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