ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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