Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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