UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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