He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
