Buhtt sex?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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