this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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