Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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