i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wow bdsm is so cute
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
