I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
