Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
