jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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