worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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