She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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