You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I believe in your delicious
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
