i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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