rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize