We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
