Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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