Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
