I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
