FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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