They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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