I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
