I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
