Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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