my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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