Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
