she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
