went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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